By now I’m sure you’re well aware of the controversy. Back in October, Isaiah Washington, a star of the TV medical drama, “Grey’s Anatomy,” reportedly got into an argument on the set in which he used the “F” word in reference to co-star T.R. Knight (the word’s official definition is “bundle of sticks,” but as Knight bears no resemblance to sticks, or woodchips for that matter, I’m afraid we must infer a different meaning). Knight came out of the closet shortly thereafter.

Then a couple of weeks ago, at the Golden Globes, Washington responded to a question about the incident. He denied ever using the anti-gay slur – repeating the “F” word in his answer. Ouch!

Knight hit the talk shows, ABC (which airs the drama) issued a statement slapping Washington’s wrist for his “inappropriate language,” and Washington met with gay groups GLAAD and GLSEN to address the issue that, yes, he had used the slur and it’s not cool. In the most recent turn of events, just this week Washington agreed to go to therapy to overcome his ill feelings toward gay people.

Does this real-life drama have a good outcome or a bad one? I have mixed feelings.

It’s good that ABC and the show’s actors and producers publicly stood up against bigotry. They sent a clear message that the “F” word has no place in our society. It’s also good that Washington is facing his feelings and doing something about them.

The bad news is that it happened in the first place. Washington’s flippant use of the “F” word may cement in some people’s minds that it’s okay to talk to or about gay people in this manner. If a TV star does it after all, how bad could it really be? And what’s the big deal anyway, it’s only a word.

Only a word.

A few months ago, I put on my green bomber jacket, grabbed a pile of stale bread from the kitchen and headed down to the Hudson River to feed the birds. On my way back home, a group of teenagers hanging out on a porch saw me walking by and took the liberty of shouting the lovely words, “faggot” and “queer.”

Now, when I first heard “faggot,” my gut reaction was to look around me. Certainly, I thought, there must be a bundle of sticks nearby, or woodchips perhaps, or tree pulp. But no, the slurs were aimed squarely at me!

I’m loathe to admit it, but the slurs hurt. In practice, you see, the “F” word is not a mere utterance of speech, nor is it just an irritating adjective, it is a form of verbal violence – one, in my experience, that often precedes physical violence.

The incident got me thinking, for example, about a college friend I’d met at a party at Harvard in the ‘90s who recounted how he and his boyfriend were taunted with slurs before getting badly beaten on the streets of New York City. I flashed on the guy at a Boston intersection who gunned his car at me as I was crossing the street to enter a gay bar on the corner. I thought also about my summer in Queens, NY, when a local gay man was attacked by three teens in a parking lot and bludgeoned to death with a lead pipe. According to the FBI’s 2005 statistics (the latest year available), sexual orientation was the basis of 14.2 percent of all reported hate crimes in the U.S., making it the third highest category following crimes motivated by racial and religious biases. I’m afraid many people reading this blog have their own disturbing accounts of anti-gay violence.

So you see, Mr. Washington, the “F” word has profound implications, whether you knew it or not.

You’ll be happy to know the police responded quickly to my call about the teenagers on the porch. I did have to explain that many gay people experience the “F” word as much more than a word – and why. The police apologized for what happened, and I was extremely grateful for their support. They understood that this behavior is not good for a community, much in the way, I’d like to think, that ABC understands how this behavior is not good for ratings.

In sum, I’d kindly ask the world to please not call me or other gay people the “F” word, and I thank you in advance for your compliance!

I also believe there’s a positive lesson for marketing and communications professionals, centered around the overall theme of sensitivity to one’s audience. Like other communities, our community has a unique and rich history. Taking the time to learn about this history and understand how our experiences relate to how we live our lives will undoubtedly help in crafting communications that are well received.

(To keep up-to-date on the storm surrounding Grey’s Anatomy, check out 365gay.com, eonline.com, or advocate.com).