Lou Tharp is an overachiever. After a successful career in New York-based PR firms, he branched out to co-found his own health communications company and recently launched the not-for-profit Global Healthy Living Foundation, which seeks to improve the lives of people with chronic diseases. In his new book, Overachiever’s Diary, How The Army Triathlon Team Became World Contenders, this competitive swimmer recounts his experience coaching the cadets at West Point.
While the book focuses on the training regimen of the cadets, it’s remarkable to note that Lou coached as an openly-gay man. Through humor and directness, Lou developed outstanding relationships with cadets, administrators and parents alike.
How did he approach coming out in a presumably gay-unfriendly environment? And what can we, as communicators, learn from his experiences? I caught up with Lou to find out.
FH OutFront: How did you come to find yourself coaching the Army Tri Team?
Lou Tharp: I asked the Colonel who runs the department of physical education if I could use the facilities to train. West Point has the best pool in the area. I told her that I was training for national and international masters swim meets. She agreed to let me use the pool and I was there six days a week. One day a cadet was swimming in the lane next me and his stroke was so bad I stopped him and said, in the nicest way possible, that his technique was so awful I couldn’t focus on my own workout. We spent the next 30 minutes working together. The next day there were two cadets and the following week they invited me to their tri team swim practice. A few weeks later the cadet in charge asked if I would consider being their swim coach. My first reaction was yes, since I’d never coached before in my life, and a Division 1 school isn’t a bad place to start. My next thought was, "I’m gay and we’ll have to come to terms with it."
FH OutFront: You coach the team as an openly-gay man. How the did the cadets receive this news — and what surprised you the most about their reactions or perceptions?
Lou Tharp: I didn’t know what to expect, and their reaction was totally unexpected. I guess we tend to think the worst because the bigots yell the loudest so we think everyone agrees with them. We forget that the vast majority of people are very gay accepting.
The reaction was a resounding, "So what?" The officer in charge had no problem with it, and when I said I would have to tell the team, he said I must have had to tell people this before so I should know how to handle it. Period.
When I told the team, it was very casual. I was explaining core body strength and comparing the physiological similarities between throwing a baseball and swimming. I said I could show them how to swim, but I wasn’t going to demonstrate how to throw a baseball because as a gay man, I had no idea how. It got a laugh, and afterwards a few people asked if I was really gay. Several told their parents, who can be very involved in cadet life, and when I had the opportunity to meet them, they all commented in a positive way, like, "Oh yeah, you’re the gay coach. My son told me about you."
One father whose son graduated in the mid-90s got a copy of Overachiever’s Diary and called to say how much he enjoyed reading it. There were silences during the call and I realized he wanted to say something but was having trouble finding the right words. Finally he told me that in addition to his son who graduated, he had another son who wanted to go to West Point, but couldn’t because he was gay.
FH OutFront: You have a long history as a PR executive and communications entrepreneur. Based on this experience, what skills were directly applicable to fostering good communication with the team and overcoming any misperceptions about gay people?
Lou Tharp: I’m a very direct person. When I was in PR, my style was to put reality on the table. Honesty goes a long way toward long-term credibility, and at West Point, honesty is valued above all. My partner, Jim, goes to team parties with me, and I try to remain open to questions that will help everyone understand the difference between orientation and behavior. Behavior is regulated by policy and individual values, orientation is how you look at the world.
FH OutFront: Is there a larger lesson from your experience at West Point that LGBT communicators can learn when it comes to communicating to audiences that may have an anti-gay perspective or simply be under-educated about gay people?
Lou Tharp: Cadets get it. They’ve grown up with gay kids in their high school, community centers and neighborhoods. This is why the under-30s are in favor of gay marriage at a rate approaching 80 percent while their parents are split 50-50, and their grandparents are overwhelmingly against it.
My experience is that overall there are two considerations to keep in mind regarding the mindset of certain straight people. First, gay issues are not on their radar screen. They have no idea we can’t pass our assets tax-free to our partners when we die as they do with their spouses, or that we are not protected against employment, credit, education and housing discrimination in two-thirds of the states or by the Federal government, or that America is the only country in the Western world that does not protect its LGBT citizens. Second, they tend to hear anti-gay messages and accept them as fact. So when they get to know a gay person, there is massive conflict between what they’ve been taught and what they’re experiencing. We get to untangle this mess for them. Our job is to educate good but misinformed people. All it takes is getting to know people and helping them understand that what they’ve heard is wrong.
Note: The book is available at http://www.overachieversdiary.com. A portion of the proceeds from purchases from the Web site go to the Army Tri Team.
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