It’s a question we often ask ourselves and others… “When did you know?” It’s never an easy question to answer. For some finding the answer can often bring up some painful memories and for others it is just difficult to pinpoint when and what that meant. I guess for most of us it’s a bit of both. I often look back and wish I could place when I knew for sure but for me it was a gradual thing rather than a Eureka moment!
A new HBO Reel Life documentary “When I Knew” premiered last night on CINEMAX. Inspired by the book of the same name by Robert Trachtenberg, producers Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato traveled the country to ask more than 150 people in five cities to talk about when they realized they were gay.
As co-director Barbato puts it " ‘When I knew’ is the ‘ah-ha’ moment for gays and lesbians. It’s the moment that many of us realize we are different from our friends and family. Sadly, it can also be the moment we begin to hide and lie about ourselves. It can be a lonely time."
It is a defining moment, or series of moments, that often have a huge influence on how we come to terms with our sexuality and the future direction of our lives.
This documentary film is important for gay audiences to provoke them to look back and examine how this experience affected their own lives. It’s most powerful impact will hopefully to communicate to straight people the pain, suffering, and torment that almost every LGBT individual goes through when growing up and understanding themselves and the need to make sure that they do not always have to go through this alone.
This film is being premiered at gay and lesbian film festivals across America but its real impact will be the extent to which it reaches friends and families of gay people and those who may not be aware of this often traumatic but ultimately liberating experience that is unique to those who are gay or lesbian.
There is also an interactive Web site www.wheniknew.com which allows anyone to share their own experiences. This means that the film is not just something where people will go to a screening, think about it, and then move on to the next thing but perhaps it will have a lasting legacy by genuinely inspiring to look back on their own lives to help others who are going through similar experiences now and in the future. It has the potential to bring out into the open what is so often a personal and agonizing time.
It can help straight people understand how tough this can be. It can help families support their loved ones. And most importantly it can begin to help people struggling with their own sexuality to realize that they are not alone.
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