If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that the use of certain “bad” words in gay and lesbian communications really sets me off. For me, the term “sexual preference” is right up there with “choice” and “gay lifestyle.” It’s really simple: as LGBT people, we don’t “prefer” to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, we simply are. Without wading into the debate about whether or not being gay is a “choice,” let me simply say that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is not a “lifestyle,” but a life. We are who we are, and using thinly-veiled code words – even in jest – only supports the notion that we’re some “other” group of people with a mysterious, misunderstood “lifestyle.”
So you can imagine my reaction when I received not one, but two, press releases about the “gaydar gun." It’s a new “gag gift” apparently based on a movie short about people using a device to figure out if people are gay simply by pointing the device at them. To quote the press release, “The Gaydar Gun is an equal opportunity offender. It effectively pokes fun of everyone regardless of their sexual preference.” Yes, they went there. The term “gag gift” used in the press release is accurate, only not in the way they likely intended.
The really sad thing is that I don’t get the impression that the folks promoting this product meant to be offensive. I don’t think they realize they are. That’s just bad PR.
To say nothing of how stupid the product idea is (yes, let’s make fun of gay people by mocking our innate ability to determine if someone is gay or not), the press release and Web site for the product are just plain ridiculous. This product, according to the Web site, is based on the short film "Gaydar." That short film may have been funny and appropriate (I haven’t seen it, so can’t say), but the way they are selling a product based on the idea is neither funny nor appropriate. There’s plenty of room in this world for lighthearted, silly products and ideas, but do we have to be ignorant when we promote them?
I don’t mean to imply that you can’t, or shouldn’t, be lighthearted in gay and lesbian communications. But language matters, and you must choose your words carefully. I’m just one of those people who believes cheese ought to be used in recipes, not communications. For me, the launch of the “gaydar gun” is one of those times when bad PR happens…
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i hate the expression “preference” when did i get to choose?
http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
Ben and I had a nice exchange about his article and thought it might be interesting to put our notes to each other here in the comment section. Don’t think Ben will mind.
October 21, 2008
Hi Ben.
It’s Terry Ray with the Gaydar Gun.
I’m gay too and I agree with you. I hate hearing the very same words as you do in reference to sexuality, “choice”, “life style” and yes…”sexual preference” and “sexual orientation” too. Because we know they just aren’t accurate. We don’t choose our sexuality. So I definitely have egg on my face that a couple of those phrases ended up in a press release about my product. I don’t know why I didn’t catch it.
There were many hands involved in writing the piece. I didn’t write those specific sentences but I guess I was blind to them just the same, like when you can’t catch your own blaring typo. I definitely thank you for pointing them out and rest assured, they are gone. But I also want you to know that they were not written with any untoward thought or intention.
My PR company is very supportive of the gay community, they just don’t happen to be gay (though I haven’t tried the Gaydar Gun on all of them yet).
I think a large percentage of straight people writing about the topic that the Gaydar Gun addresses may have used the same language. “Sexual orientation” is a term we were taught in school, something people are accustomed to hearing. It doesn’t automatically register as derogatory. But that needs to change and that’s why I think it’s a good thing you called us out on it. A little less publically would have been delightful, but you were doing your job and we were fair game. Again, I should have caught the error. I’m the gay one at the table.
You can perhaps see our true intention of the Gaydar Gun from the paragraph that quoted me in the press release which was not used in your piece.
“In the big picture, a person’s sexuality is as randomly determined as a pull of the trigger on the Gaydar Gun,” says Terry Ray. “We are what we are, so let’s just have a good laugh at ourselves.” That’s what the Gaydar Gun is all about” he offers.
I think we are definitely on the same page with our thoughts about sexuality (I don’t think you found any of those on the website). But since we understandably got off on the wrong foot, let me tell you why I think the Gaydar Gun toy is a good thing. I think humor can be a very effective tool in tearing down stereotypes. The Gaydar Gun doesn’t make fun of gay people…it makes fun of people. You pull the trigger and it randomly says you’re 0%, 50% or 100% gay. It thinks you’re just as silly if you’re 0% as if you’re 100%.
The Gaydar Gun looks at sexuality from a comedic perspective, and that helps tear down walls. Is it silly? YES! It’s completely goofy. It’s just as goofy as even caring about a person’s sexuality. Is it funny and entertaining? Yes to that too! Does it have a useful role in today’s culture? YES again. I traveled all summer to various Gay Pride events with a Gaydar Gun prototype and went up to thousands and thousands of people. I shot them with the Gaydar Gun. We played with it and talked about it and 99.9% of the people, gay, straight, bisexual and transgendered laughed, loved it and wanted to know how they could get one. I think that must be a good thing.
Not being able to figure out if someone is straight or gay isn’t a gay thing…it’s a human thing. We’ve all been in that situation.
Playing around like the Gaydar Gun has all the answers is just silly entertainment. It’s as dangerous as a Magic 8 Ball…but a lot more fun. It says 650 different things for Pete’s sake!
Ben, is it wrong of me to hope Santa brings you one for Christmas? I think you might be surprised how much you’d like it.
Best,
Terry Ray
Ben’s response on October 22, 2008
Hi Terry. Thank you for writing to me. I appreciate the fact that you thought my post important enough to review and comment on.
It sounds as though we agree: language is important. I’m still not sure that I support the idea behind the product (the “Homometer?” seriously?), but you make several good points (a few of which I also made in terms of being lighthearted and funny). Humor can help tear down stereotypes, and that’s great as long as it doesn’t reinforce others at the same time.
To be clear, “sexual orientation” is fine. We use it frequently. It’s a preferred use instead of “sexual preference” and we’ve written about that issue before.
Again, thanks for writing to me. I hope you’ll keep reading the blog and will write to us (either via email or in our comments section) in the future.
Ben Finzel