Wedding season is upon us. Formal invitations, matching earlier save-the-dates, have recently flooded my mailbox and I’m busily writing toasts, selecting gifts, and booking flights for my best friend’s and little brother’s summer nuptials. Add to that the growing mainstream and LGBT news media coverage on same-sex marriage, and recent movement in the legislatures of Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Washington D.C. and New York, and I can’t stop thinking – or talking – about marriage. [Check out Laura’s post that looks at the online buzz on same-sex marriage.]
Both of the big weddings I’m in and looking forward to are in Kentucky and Florida, two states banning same-sex marriage. As the hopeless romantic still believing in a happy family of my own one day, I have recently focused on how to communicate the importance of marriage equality in my daily interactions, and in between the cake cutting and bouquet tossing this summer (if the topic is raised).
We’ve posted here before about the power of storytelling – its ability to take a distant issue in the press and legislative chambers, and bring it to a personal level with real community impact. Last week our friends at AMERICAblog gave me that story. You can read the whole account of Steven Kleinedler and Peter Dubuque here, but I’ve provided my perspective below.
Massachusetts resident Steven, 42, came home recently to find his husband, Peter, 39, dead. Experiencing love and support from the entire community after the passing of his husband, he reflected in a note to the blog on America’s progress and their growing understanding of same-sex relationship and true equality. Some of his examples of the disparities and progress were:
“In 1994, I was arrested, handcuffed, and spent the night in jail for dancing with another man in suburban Chicago. (Not kissing, not even touching : just dancing.) But on March 24, 2009, the EMTs, police officers, and detectives on the accident scene were extremely professional, respectful, and courteous.”
“Shortly after Vermont legalized civil unions, debated raged whether newspapers across the country would accept or refuse to acknowledge such partnerships; now many more highly visible newspapers routinely do.”
“Referring to my husband as my husband doesn't raise eyebrows or result in scorn or sarcasm, whereas when referring to him as my partner ten years ago carried the risk of bad service, indifference, or outright hostility.”
“Twelve years ago something as simple as explaining to utility companies that two people weren't roommates but partners could be construed as being "in your face." Flash forward to the young associate at the Apple store who helped me with Peter's iPhone. Sexual orientation was irrelevant as he expressed sincere condolences for my loss.”
These experiences – and countless others – are personal stories of the historic progress made in Iowa and Vermont recently. They dispel the fear and uncertainity many individuals have – some thanks to the messages of our opponents – that same-sex marriage is different and will uproot the foundations of society. What Steven and Peter demonstrated through their lives together, and what we can share through their story and our own, is a simple message. We must communicate the love and commitment married couples, be it heterosexual or homosexual, share and the inalienable right each person has to experience it and create their own love story.
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