This month, in addition to the parties and parades, I hope every LGBT person reflects upon his or her personal, and the community’s collective, progress of “coming out” to the world, taking pride in the uniqueness of the experience and cherishing the commonalities that connect us as a community. Times have definitely changed from the Stonewall era and before, and a portion of that is thanks to more open, frank communications with our neighbors, co-workers, legislators, business leaders and others – conversations largely thanks to the bravery and sacrificial actions of our predecessors.
Last week, the Chicago Tribune ran an interesting article on how communications and new social media are changing the way many young LGBT people are taking the plunge and coming out of the closet. While opinions still vary on the best way to tell family and friends about your sexual orientation, many are now enjoying the safety and digital distance by breaking the news via blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or YouTube. For some, it takes away the issue of dealing with emotional reactions from those they love or the need to defend their sexuality. Many, however, still believe it is important to personally and directly come out to others.
As a millennial, Gen-Y-er, or whatever label is currently in fad for those of us born in the late '80s and raised on the exploding wireless and computer technologies of the late ‘90s and onward, my coming out experience was a mixture of both – facing my parents and close friends head on with honesty, while others slowly connected the ever blurring dots on my Facebook page and online presence. While at first working tirelessly – almost obsessively – to keep the dots far enough apart on my Facebook profile, I largely realized digital duplicity was largely unfair to myself and have since let the dots blur into one big gay dot.
But with greater technology and communication opportunities generally come consequences. An “out front” online presence can lead to Facebook un-friending, rude or hate-ridden messages (as noted in the article) and a digital record some employers or potential employers may frown upon. Add to this the easier ability to out others online through comments, photos or videos and the safety and distance initially associated with expressing one’s sexuality for the first time online is no longer as safe or distant.
In all, communications is best when genuine and personal – and only each person can determine the best and healthiest way for them to come out to loved ones. I hope this month we take pride in ourselves and appreciate the many ways we can share our story, ways those who came before largely didn’t have.
We also want to hear your experiences. Did you choose to come out digitally, personally or both? Was the experience largely positive or negative? Share your stories in the comments below and have a safe and happy Pride.
In closing, I wanted to quickly provide an update on my last post regarding the defamatory remarks made by hosts of the “Rob, Arnie & Dawn” show in Sacramento, California two weeks ago. Since I wrote, the on-air personalities who made the initial remarks against transgender individuals scheduled an on-air segment to discuss their remarks, in which they largely defended them. The result: 10 major advertisers, including Bank of America, McDonald’s and Chipotle, pulled their ads and issued statements rebuking the show’s comments. Just today, Rob Williams issued a note (available in full on GLAAD’s blog) in which he admits failure on account of his show for the remarks made and their defense. The show has chosen to work with local groups, seeking education on this issue, and will return to air Thursday, June 11, to address the issue.
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