Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be famous but not out? What are the career implications once you do come out? What goes through your mind through all of these changes?
I’m so pleased to be able to share one man’s perspective on these – and other – questions with you. When he came out in The Advocate in 2004, Dave Koz instantly expanded his already large fan base and shattered a lot of myths about gay men and music. As Dave points out in our conversation below, many people assume that gay men only like club music. That’s not true (I, for one, have been a Dave Koz fan for more than a decade). And the idea that the only gay musicians are those that make club music has been forever banished with Dave’s bold action to say who he is fully, as a person and a musician.
I met Dave at the Out for Equality Ball here in Washington during the Presidential Inauguration in January. I walked up to him and introduced myself after his opening set at the Ball (I’ve seen lots of famous people, but never had the nerve to say anything before). What a nice guy Dave Koz is – he greeted my partner Mark and I graciously and even agreed to pose for a picture with us (that’s us in the photo to the left). Fortunately, he also agreed to conduct a Q&A with me for the blog. We’re running it today as a Pride Month special feature in advance of the kick-off of Dave’s Side by Side summer tour (with Brian Culbertson) on Friday, June 26 in Kettering, Ohio.
As I said to Dave in an e-mail after I read his answers to my questions, he is as well spoken with words as he is with music. I hope you enjoy reading Dave’s thoughts as much as I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with him. And if you’d like to know more about Dave, check out his Web site (or set up a Dave Koz channel on Pandora as I’ve done).
Ben Finzel: You came out publicly in an interview in The Advocate. What was that experience like for you?
Dave Koz: I think everyone makes that leap at the right time in their own lives—there is no absolute rule, and thus I tend to shy away from giving anyone else advice on how to do this. In my own experience however, I never had a master plan to come out…that moment shocked me when it came—I sort of knew it instinctively and I said to myself, “It’s time”. Up until that point it was something I was either too worried, or too freaked out to do. I wasn’t willing to risk it…but then something surprising happened.
I was doing an interview for another gay publication—and the interviewer initially said it was just to speak on the music, no personal questions. His editors had a different agenda and he came back to me saying that in order for the article to run I would have to address my sexuality. Well, I noticed the way this information made me feel…and for the first time ever, it didn’t scare the &*%# out of me! I went to my managers with the idea of coming out—they were super supportive, having helped Melissa Etheridge along her journey. But they said if you’re going to do it, do it with The Advocate. And that’s exactly what happened—a few months later, just about in sync with my turning 40, it was done. This little piece of information that I’d been guarding so preciously all my adult life was finally out there for the world to see. Of course at the time I was freaking out…but I haven’t looked back since. By far, the very best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Ben Finzel: You released the album Saxophonic several months before you came out and I recall reading that there was some concern that your coming out might adversely affect album sales. Did it? How do you feel about those concerns now?
Dave Koz: We all have concerns about how this new information about ourselves will affect what we do, how we’re perceived in the world. I too had very deep concerns—I had enjoyed many years of a storybook career…gold albums, concert tours in the US and abroad…radio play. I was out to my friends and family, but to my fans I hadn’t taken that step. And a big leap it would be. But my biggest fears never materialized. In fact I can recall that year, 2003 being one of the very best years in my career, ever. Two weeks after the article came out, I was in Washington DC, in Senator Ted Kennedy’s backyard as a special musical guest for a senatorial caucus on gay rights—courtesy of my new friend, the great David Mixner (who I met because he saw the article). My publicist had been trying for years to get anything printed in People magazine, but to no avail. Then all of a sudden they make me one of their “bachelors” in that issue—all because one of the People editors saw the article. We sold more concert tickets and albums that year than in any year I can recall. It was a great lesson to learn…you can build this wall of fear up around you very easily, but when you finally make that step to tackle it head on, you realize there wasn’t a wall there at all. I alone had put it up and made it this insurmountable obstacle…when in fact, there really wasn’t anything blocking me at all. It was a major revelation that has helped me in countless ways since.
Ben Finzel: We’ve blogged quite a bit about the importance of public influencers coming out, but we’ve also looked at the difficulties faced by various public figures in navigating what is really a personal decision. Looking back at your own very public coming out and the way in which it was addressed in the media, would you do anything differently if you could?
Dave Koz: For me, I think it happened in the right way at the right time. And even though it was rather ‘public’, it didn’t have any controversy surrounding it…it sorta came and went really. To this day I think there are large numbers of folks who don’t know I am out—but many folks do know. I don’t lead with that in my daily life, but it’s all out there for anyone to see and should it come up I am more than happy to speak on it, no matter where in the world I go. (and I’ve played concerts in places like Russia and Dubai where this info is a little more politically and culturally charged).
I think my coming out matched me and where I was at the time…and where I am now. It felt right and it was time. Hopefully in the not too distant future, a person’s coming out will be so matter of fact and such an everyday occurrence that it will become a complete non-issue.
Ben Finzel: I’ve always relied on music as a touchstone for my life. There are certain songs and artists that have carried me through tough times and helped me celebrate good ones. How important do you think music is to LGBT people living in what is often an unfriendly world?
Dave Koz: Music is important for everyone…even those that wouldn’t classify themselves as die-hard music fans. Could you imagine our world without it? What about going to a movie without a soundtrack? Or a bar without some ambience of music playing? We mark our experiences with songs and artists and moments in time become forever etched in our brains with musical soundtracks all their own. So I don’t think using ‘music as comfort’ it’s uniquely a LGBT experience. I think everyone has that usage for it to some extent. But I do think that there are musical stereotypes that get attached to certain groups…like dance/techno is the only thing that gays like to listen to/respond to. Tell that to the ever-increasing LGBT audience I am overjoyed to see at the concerts, cruises, events my band and I do.
Ben Finzel: Last fall you released a Greatest Hits album and this summer you’re going to tour again. How has touring changed for you since you came out?
Dave Koz: It’s hard to put into words as it’s really more a feeling. I guess it has most to do with being 100% comfortable on stage…about fully stepping into my own shoes, playing with the full deck of cards…about being completely bare and honest when I go out there. It’s intangible, and may be unrecognizable to the average concert-goer at my shows. But I feel it. When I came out I did what I thought was the most difficult thing I could ever imagine facing in my life, personally. Getting to the other side of it you realize…if I can do that, I can really do anything. So I just go out there, and let it all hang out. What’s to fear?! Mostly though, it’s been a huge confidence-builder, and it’s made my shows more fun, light, spontaneous, emotional and in-the-moment. It’s also freed me up musically in ways I’ve found surprising and wonderful.
Ben Finzel: Dave, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us. I hope you’ll keep entertaining us for many years to come. We’ll be listening.
Dave Koz photo courtesy of the artist.
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wow – i had no idea dave koz was gay. i guess i need to ramp up my reading of The Advocate, etc.
i love jazz, and dave’s radio show is always entertaining and his music has always been nice to hear. i guess i’ll also have to begin buying his so as to contribute to another gay man’s success. thanks for the interview!